Writing Again

Now. 

Right now I’m tired and a bit frustrated. My daughter is fighting bedtime and we’ve been through every excuse known to man. Except in a fit she smacks her head on her bed. Now she wants extra sympathy and an ice pack and to sleep in my bed. Mean momma that I am I send her back to her bed, in fake tears. Reward the fit? No. Cuddle her? Maybe? No? What’s the right answer??? There isn’t one. 

Parenting is TOUGH. And single parenting? I dare say tougher. No united front. No tag teaming. It’s all on you sunshine and if the pressure isn’t enough to crack you, the guilt is. 

See there is 3 of them and one of me. I’m not a math wizard but I know enough to tell you that leaves me at least one hand short of holding while walking somewhere and a half dozen eyes and ears to see and hear each one of them and their requests. I should point out that hand holding isn’t really a requirement for the ages of my children but they love to hold my hand while walking and the rotation system I have for who gets to hold my hand isn’t cutting it. 

I’ve been listening to Mrs Rachel Hollis lately. I adore her. She is a great motivator and encourager. Her book Girl Wash Your Face is a must read (or in my case, listen). She’s likely the reason I’m writing this now. Following my dreams and passions, setting goals and trying to be intentional about some things in my life. 

I have started to struggle with something lately though. I almost reached out and sent her a DM on the subject but then I remembered something she wrote saying “she writes about what she knows” so it seems like she probably isn’t the best person to get advice from in my struggle. 

See I’m divorced. I am one of numerous women who thought they were signing up for one thing and ended up in a toxic marriage full of lies and deceit. It took me years to really realize how bad things were for me emotionally and how I did not want my kids to think it was okay to live a life where you are treated poorly. I want them to have enough respect and love for themselves to NOT be constant people pleasers but to stand up for who they are. 

It’s funny, some will say I’m so strong for standing up for myself and leaving. Others will say I am weak for not fighting the devil and his will to break up my marriage. I’ve determined in my mind I’m neither. I’m a woman who made some bad choices and now I’m faced with the consequences. There are times I’ve felt proud of myself and times I’ve felt horrible. It’s a process. It’s a messy, terrible process. I do think I’m going to continue to grow in the process though.

The best part is I get to write the next chapter of my life and I finally get to be the leading lady in my story. Kinda how it’s supposed to be right?

It’s quiet in my house now. She has fallen off to sleep and momma is quickly behind her. Some things take just a little extra time. Give yourself another dose of patience. Hang in there momma. 

Xoxo

Christina