And They Lived Happily Ever After Plan B

Once upon a time, as the story often goes, the noble prince must travel a far journey to rescue the princess from her tower and fight a mighty dragon in the process. He trains vigilantly and prepares himself. He goes into battle, brave, and with confidence that he will slay the dragon and will rescue the princess. He also does this at whatever cost. We see this story played out in fairy tales numerous times. It often shows the prince or noble knight almost killed in the process but makes a valiant comeback to save the day. He had a goal and focused on completing it. He never had another option worth exploring but to go after his desire, the princess. Do you think he would have taken a Plan B given the option? Would he have just settled for the handmaiden rather than go after what he was supposed to obtain?

Much also like my 3 year old daughter. I have endlessly been working with her to potty train her. It was going well and she would rarely soil her pull up. The last week or so she became very, lazy I suppose for lack of a better word. I was cleaning up more poop and dirty pull ups than I had since we switched to them from diapers. I came to the point of realizing she was starting to settle. She knew she could do whatever she wanted and not have to visit the bathroom if she wore a pull up. The pull-ups were her plan B. As long as I was willing to change those poopy pull ups, she didn't see a reason to stop doing her business in them. Once I realized this, this completely changed the game. After the 3rd poopy pull-up that she brought and handed to me, as you can imagine, making quite a mess, I was done. I cleaned her up, put underwear on her and told her no more, that if she had to go to the bathroom, she needs to visit the potty. (I knew by working with her this long and seeing how well she had done in panties that she was ready, I feel I should side note that I wasn't forcing her before she was able).

Guess what? Not a single accident or mess since then. It would seem like a miracle except it was a matter of taking away her plan B. Taking away her crutch.

I am barely a millennial, on the cusp of the gen Yer's I think. I am not knowledgeable enough about what they called us but it was after Gen Xers. Regardless, we have always been taught, "Go after your dreams, but keep in mind and solidify that plan B just in case it doesn't work out like you hope." Throughout my life it has seemed like good advice. A safety net sounds like the perfect thing to have when you are on a high balance beam. The problem is that many of us settled in our plan B. We worked so hard to get a solid plan B that we never really reached past to what our Plan A goals were. Now for some, they love their plan B and enjoy that path. I feel there are others, (myself included) that relied too much on that Plan B and because I was, well, lazy for a lack of better word, I sat in my soiled pull-up while everyone around me was moving on. Now I sit in my beautiful safety net I created, (because lets face it the imagery is much better than me in a soiled pull-up) but it means nothing if I don't get on the balance beam and see what I can do.

Its going to take some work, but I am going to try and eliminate some plan B's from my life. Things that should have been a safety net have merely held me back from pushing to get what I wanted. Had I not had a net to fall in, I might be living the Plan A I always dreamed of. Maybe not. Does anyone really know? Its like sink or swim. You will survive or you will drown, but as long as you wear a lifevest, you may never really learn how to safe yourself.

Think about this the next time you don't have enough money to invest in your dream, or when you don't have enough time to start that project you've wanted to for so long. Stop settling for average and marginal when you were created for so much more.

I know I was, so I'm going to embrace it. No one said it would be easy, it actually will be the hardest thing you've done, but I know it will be worth it.

Xoxoxox

SUV, Smartphone, and Her Sanity

Some days when I get home early and I have some time before I have to go get my little lovelies, I sit in my driveway, in my SUV on my smartphone. A normal person would likely jump out of their car, run inside and enjoy the peacefulness of their quiet home. I cringed. I started to feel my anxiety go up thinking about going inside. So many memories, thoughts, projects unfinished. To be sitting in my car with so much more peace than entering into what should be my sanctuary.

I sat there for a few minutes, contemplating if I would sit out there for 20 minutes before having to go get them. I love feeling the hot sun and the sweet cool breeze. I take a sip of my sweet tea and for a moment just breathe. Amazon music on, a favorite soothing playlist I have created. I feel my head fall back into the headrest and I close my eyes for a brief moment. 

"Go inside." The little voice says.

I sit there even longer. Thinking then of all the things I could get done in those now 15 minutes I had before I had to leave and go get them. I could start more laundry, because I am great at washing and drying laundry. I could win awards for how great I am at putting clothes in the washer, maybe only honorable mention for getting them in the dryer. Afterwards it gets a little fuzzy. I then add it to the basket on top of the dryer next to the other basket, full of clean clothes. It never ends. Then I think about how that whole laundry room is completely not set up practical for what I need it to be, which then just brings in more negative thoughts about the house itself and things that have happened there. 

"Go inside"

I sit there longer, thinking I could maybe unload the dishwasher or contemplate what I should make for dinner. Maybe I will just pick up some chicken from the grocery store, that's easy enough. I get bonus points because its not McDonald's right? I have some fruit inside and I can throw a veggie with it. Dinner done. 

"Go inside"

Let see what is going on on Instagram....scroll, scroll, scroll, like, like. I don't understand these new 'stories". I get so restless of social media in general. I am so glad everyone else has their life together. I can't even go inside my own house without fearing a panic attack. Why doesn't this happen when I bring the kids home? I guess when you're a mom of 3 children, work full time, are finishing college and trying to not lose every ounce of who you are, you just do what you need to do. Its really like reflex. I never really thought I had it in me to be a mom. I struggle with this because I am not a "great mom". I am marginal I suppose. My mom was gone a lot growing up and I had to figure out too many things on my own. I just want better for them, while trying to deal with all my issues. I do have happy, healthy, mostly well behaved kids. No, I am not giving them glutton free non MSG foods without red dye number 5, but we get by. I was raised on much less and I turned out okay, well.....I should rethink that statement. 

"Go inside"

Am I stalling? Wait, I have a Twitter notification! Oh, its some spam account that has followed me. That was a little let down.  Scroll, scroll, like, re-tweet. Wow this person re-tweets way way way too much. *Turns off retweets*. Sigh, that's better. 

"Go inside"

Well I have managed to sit out here for at least 10 minutes, feeling the breeze, singing to my music while enjoying the sunshine. Why would I give that up? Lets see, I could scroll through FB, it has been like 4 days since I looked at that scary place. Wow, you are getting desperate here girl. Ok, that was a bad idea. I couldn't get past the first 5 posts. 

"Go inside"

Fine. But only because I have to go the bathroom and by the time I get in, do my business and get out it will be time to go get my little wonders. 

"Why are you still sitting there?"

The sunshine heat just feels so good. I can wait to use the bathroom, maybe I will just go for a drive until its time to pick them up, I need to go get the chicken anyway.

"Seatbelt"

Anxiety appears to have won this battle. I never did go inside. I went, picked up chicken, picked up my children and we all came home together and fell into our routine of "Leave your sister alone", "No, get that out of your mouth," and "Its bedtime!"

I do however think though, for those 20 or so minutes I spent in that car, its just me time. Chrissy Time. Relax and shut out the world for just a few seconds time. I can be whoever I want to be, kind of like Cinderella "in her own little corner, in her own little chair"  For a brief moment I'm not just "their mom" or "her daughter" or "her sister" but just me. The girl who's heart is too big and mind that is rarely satisfied. Who is craving not only knowledge but moments. Experiences. Memories. So even if she sat in her car, for 20 minutes instead of going inside, she took the time needed for herself. 

Maybe it was a win after all. 

Xoxo

Momma Said There'd Be Days Like This

        Oh lovelies, how I have missed you! I have desperately tried to return to you but the tragedy that is known as "life" tends to interfere. I will do my best to keep it from separating us again. I fell asleep last night, my body aching, throat horribly sore, and woke up feeling even worse.  I can't remember the number of times throughout the night that I am sure I broke a fever, but I know I went from freezing to sweating numerous times. I've even almost lost my voice! (ok, some might not see this as such a bad thing.) Never fear, I have upped my vitamin C and trying to ward off all evil sickness spirits. I know the Evil Queen is merely trying to cast yet another spell on me, but I am onto her magic. Good always wins and well....neither do viral colds. 
        Does anyone else feel like the whiniest person on the planet when they are sick? I just want someone to make me some soup, let me put my head on their shoulder, and fall asleep knowing someone is gonna take care of me. I usually am never sick so when it hits me, I feel like I must be dying. Add to the fact I still must readily take care of 3 littles and some days, I myself don't know how I do it. I am quite certain that Excedrin has became my newest best friend and the only thing that is keeping my aching body from feeling completely miserable. The only thing I know to do is, just keep on. It really is true that you forget how much you appreciate health until its taken away from you. Kind of like toilet paper, you know, you don't appreciate it until its gone. 

Also, plan ahead, that stuff is expensive at your local drugstore.

Short blog today. Once I regain some strength and energy I promise to write something lovely. Well I will write something, whether its lovely or not is still to be determined.

Momma said there'd be days like this, and she was right. I'm going to go curl up in my blankets and find something on Netflix to fall asleep too, after I take another dose of medicine.  

xoxo

       

She's Awake

As Aurora or Snow White emerged after their deep sleep I often wonder if they looked around and said "How long have I been asleep? Everything is so different!" Aurora was said to be asleep 100 years while Snow White only a year but if a day can be life changing, I image 100 years would be unrecognizable. Although I'm not a princess, officially of course, (still waiting on the paperwork) I have found recently that I've woken up to things, places, people, and experiences I hadn't been a part of for at least the last 10 years of my life. 

People watching has now become one of my favorite things to do. Although I do know people who strictly "people watch" to judge and make fun of others, my people watching is different. See, since I have woken up, I see things so different. I want to know their story. I want to know about their past and what brought them to this moment in time. Their story. The plot of their life and the twist and turns that have made them who they are. I want to know why their personal style reflects that lip ring or why she chose to wear that men's basketball jersey as a dress. Perhaps her self confidence will rub off on me if I get close enough to her. I'd also like to know why no one is watching these two wild children playing in the fountain next to me at this mall bench I chose. Oh, sorry, those angels are actually mine. I also see the dad with his toddler on his shoulders and a beautiful woman with her head wrapped in a gorgeous scarf. If she would have been a few feet closer I would have totally asked her where she purchased it. 

That's something thankfully I've never really had an issue with, talking to people. I love seeing someone's face when I compliment them and I find great joy in being truthful about the beauty I can see in people and things. I'm excited to share what I see, think, and feel with you on this little place.

A scoop of fairy tale and a scoop of reality, lots of hot fudge, and plenty of whip cream!

I'm so glad you're here with me, beautiful soul.

Stick around, I also have sprinkles.

Xoxo